Post-award win anxiety
Can I half my problem by sharing it with you please? When struggling with mental health issues you just never know when the dark cloud is going to present itself and wow has it been over me this week. I hate talking about my anxiety because I don’t like giving it the attention it wants. But writing about it really frees up my mind and allows me to see things as they are rather than what they are escalated into in my mind. I hate that sometimes it does affect my life, but from day one of starting this blog I said I would always be absolutely open and honest. That was always my motto and always will be.
Anxiety is something I’ve learned to manage really well but I still have my bad days. I always get lovely compliments that people are shocked when I say I struggle with anxiety. I think it definitely still has its stereotypes. I’m massively outgoing, I’m absolutely a ‘people person’, I love being sociable, I love meeting new people and I love stepping out of my comfort zone. Not the features of your 'everyday anxious person' are they? Instead my anxiety manifests itself nicely into pointless worrying and overthinking which for me results in emotional eating and temporary struggles with self-worth.
Ever since winning a UK Blog Award on Friday (which was absolutely bricking incredible btw!!!!) I have felt an insane amount of anxiety giving me self-pressure that I should be doing more, taking on more, being better and changing my whole life to make myself worthy of the award. Just by writing this I know it’s ridiculous but that’s just anxiety for you. I’ve been worrying no one cares because I don’t have thousands of followers on social media, worrying that this is as good as it’s going to get and worrying that the burnout I've experienced this week marks the end of the insane hard work I can put in amongst juggling life too. I lost 10 instagram followers yesterday and as you can imagine it really confirmed to my anxiety that it is all downhill from here.
Of course luckily I realise this is just the anxiety talking. I can quite honestly say I worked like a crazy woman in the last 6 months to get How to make friends to the point it’s at today and I’m extremely proud, grateful and excited for everything it is. I’ve already received messages from women it has helped and if it helps a handful more then it has all been worth it.
This is not the end, it is just the beginning. In a world of copious talented bloggers and social media influencers with millions of followers it can be so easy to get caught up in comparison. The reality is there is room for everyone and that’s what I love. Every one brings something different, are creative in different ways and have different messages to shout about. If you’re reading this and you’ve been in the HTMF Community from the start thank you, thank you, thank you. Truly from the bottom of my heart I am grateful for anyone that has supported How to make friends in any way. This blog has been an absolute lifeline for me.
On a brighter note to finish…. we fricking won!! How to make friends can now be classed as an award winning blog and that is just insane and everything I could ever dream of and more. I have so much more planned and I can’t wait for you to come along for the ride. Writing this post has lifted my dark cloud and has made me so excited for the future. Let's do this xx