I had no friends in high school
I had no friends in high school
I had no friends in high school. To even write this post my poor heart just sinks as low as it can possibly go as I force myself to remember my traumatic high school experience of my former no confidence self. I hated every single day. It was where my anxiety started and eventually came out full force in the final year crippling my late teens into early twenties. It was the place that I never truly fitted in. I felt uncomfortable every day, all day and would do anything to make it through the day as embarrassment-free as possible.
When I say I had no friends in high school, what I mean is that I wasn’t a super popular kid but I didn’t spend my days alone either. I was an all-rounder. I was pleasant to everyone, hard worker in class with a constant urge to just learn, get my school work done and get back to the comfort of my home. I had a lovely childhood and unfortunately that makes the shock of school and all the social conflicts it brings a lot worse to deal with.
My self-confidence was low, I endured bullying in primary school, I thrived in middle school but high school was when things really got hard. I managed to get through the first few years with the security of my form class but no one really warns you of the transition to your older, important, life-changing years. As I remained at school for A-levels, some of my actual friends moved schools, others went to college and others left education all together. This all left me rather lost.
I can honestly say that I experienced true heart-wrenching loneliness at school. The first realisation that you can be surrounded by a room full of people and actually rather be in your own company. School is tough and every day can feel like a struggle for popularity. The problem is to seek popularity you have to not be afraid of being brutal to ‘weaker’ people on your way to the top. That was not something I was prepared to do. I wouldn’t even have known how to push my way to the top. I was always taught to be nice to everyone and these are the values that I took to school with me and in essence didn’t really get me far on the popularity scale at all. I had an insight into the popular groups which consisted of competitiveness, putting each other down to bring themselves up and if you dared leave the room the others will swiftly change the topic of conversation to you!
If you are reading this and can relate I can only sympathise for everything that you endured. But if you haven’t changed it all into a complete positive by now this is about to be a game changer. All of these wonderful skills we displayed at school are the true essence of making friends. We did not judge, we did not bully and we were not influenced to be anyone that we were not. In fact we spent time feeling completely lonely rather than transform into someone we were not. This negative experience is the driving force for me to never allow anyone to experience that kind of loneliness ever again. I want people to feel to feel fulfilment with who they are and to feel beautiful just as they are too. So this is your reminder from me to you, let go of those negative experiences and turn them into nothing short of absolute motivation to be you and only you, forever and always.