5 reasons you shouldn’t contact that old friend

Sometimes friendships don’t work out. Physically, spiritually and emotionally we outgrow friends and move on. Sometimes friendships fizzle out and that’s ok. If you have recently found yourself reminiscing an old friendship, Facebook searching their name and wondering if you should send them a message, this is the podcast episode for you.

In this podcast episode, I discuss why friendships come to an end, I give you 5 reasons why you shouldn’t contact your old friend and finish with a little motivational talk on how to move on.


Friendships are supposed to come to an end. Yep! None of that friends forever BS around here. Ok, that’s unfair some friendships do last forever, but more frequently friendships fizzle out. If you have lost friends, WELL DONE. Seriously! It means you’ve grown, you’ve evolved and you’ve likely stood up for what you believe in.

But what happens when you start thinking about a certain friendship? Well, the likeliness is that you’re actually searching for a feeling rather than that particular friend. Recently I started thinking about an old friend. I knew deep down I didn’t want her back in my life but I couldn’t figure out why I kept thinking about our friendship in particular and then I had a big juicy A-ha moment! I wanted back that time in my life. It was a chapter of happiness and I was craving that. Let’s get stuck into 5 reasons you should never go back.

5 reasons not to contact that old friend

You crave your old friendship, not your old friend

A lot of bad friendships last so long because you crave what the friendship used to be. It’s absolutely ok to miss a friendship but if you know your friendship is not and will not be the same again, it’s time to let go.

It will drain your energy

There’s a reason you moved on. Will the past present itself again, will they move on or will problems re-arise? This drain of energy is not worth being friends with them. There will likely be awkward moments or confrontational conversations and nobody has time for it. Friendship is supposed to be easy.  

Loneliness will make you crave negative attention rather than no attention

Your human instinct is kicking in. We naturally want to be in a tribe and not feel alone. This means loneliness will have you thinking of the quickest way possible to fill that void. This comes from irresistible toxic people (the ones that keep you going back for more because your brain can’t quite work them out), old contacts (it’s easier to contact them) and people you’ve outgrown (a simple and instant friend) but none of these people will fulfil you long term.  

It won’t last

Past friendships, much like relationships are best left in the past. Do you ever spend time with someone and they drain you but you can’t figure out why? It will only be a matter of time before the friendship loops back to fizzling out when you can’t reward each other of the things you want from the friendship.

You’re being lazy

Of course, going back is easier than moving forwards. It’s way easy to reconnect with a crappy friend of your past than it is to be vulnerable and meet new people.   


Hopefully, these reasons have resonated with you and you realise why moving forwards is far more productive in the long run. Craving something is our body’s natural way of telling us that we are missing something. Craving a friendship may be telling you, that there is something missing now that you did have back in that time of your life. Craving connections is a good way of realising that you’re not being fulfilled by the community around you now, in which case it might be a great time to make new friends. Going back to old friendships, likely turn out the same way again and is a vast waste of your time and energy. Exploring new things, meeting new people and make new friends is a far more positive way to spend your time, replenish your energy and a great learning experience about yourself. You have likely grown as a person since the friendship so you get to have a fresh start with someone friends with the person you are now.  

Now let me know in the comments, did this stop you from contacting an old friend?

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