Why don’t friendships last?

Why don’t friendships last?

You may remember finding your first best friend as a child and promising to be ‘best friend forever’. The sad reality is that most friendships don’t last. As friends grow older their priorities change, their values change and throw in some major life events along the way you’ve got some real friend hurdles.  As humans we have an emotional need to be loved and to have security. By promising to have a friend forever those boxes are ticked. Unfortunately unlike marriage there is no formality to this agreement. People grow apart, friendships change and I promise you life still goes on. It may be time to consider moving on and how to make friends.

 

 

Here are 5 reasons why friendships don’t last

One friend swaps the security of a friend for a partner

I’m sure you’ve had friends that have got into relationships and left you for dust. Without realising, they have swapped the security of a friend for a partner. Friends can have other friends, but a partner is exclusive. The exclusivity factor makes the security feel more real. Unfortunately, some relationships don’t last and friends are really important when they don’t. It takes effort to maintain friendships while in a relationship.

You’re at different life stages

Life events can add a lot of pressure to adult friendships. House moves, weddings, babies and career development can all add strain. When two people are at different life stages it can result in them wanting different things from the friendship.

You’ve grown apart

Adult life is a massive learning curve of figuring out who you are, where you fit in in the world and what your passions are. As you figure all this stuff out you can change as a person. True friends accept each other for all their changes but sometimes seeing your best friend become a different person can be too challenging. Here are 9 signs you have outgrown your friendship and what to do about it.

Family takes priority

When a friend now has a family to care for and children that rely on them, their priorities drastically change. Family is now the main priority and friendships can take a serious backburner. Worryingly in some cases friendships can become non-existent for new mums. It is really important to support each other, even if you don’t see each other as much anymore.

A lack of effort

If a friendship becomes one sided it is game over. Both parties within a friendship need to be making as much effort as each other. The way to do this is to concentrate on yourself and how much effort you’re putting in. If you are critical of each other this is the fastest way to ending a friendship. Instead lead by example and show your friend how much you care about the friendship and how you want it to last. If it’s past that, it may be time to be a strong woman say goodbye and move on.

 

Although these 5 things are reasons why friendships don’t last, they don’t have to end all friendships. Just by being conscious of friendships changing can be enough to solve problems with friends. Honest conversations, acceptance of eachothers life choices and elimination of neediness can keep friendships blossoming forever. Friendships like anything need love, care and attention. Friendship breaks can be completely normal and you’ll find yourselves back right where you left off once the craziness of life settles again.

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Author: Gemma Scopes

Gemma Scopes is an award-winning friendship blogger and coach on a mission to cure loneliness amongst adults. Are you ready to build your self-worth, make friends & spark up your social life?

  • Contact Gemma here
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