My friend is going through a breakup and you’re wondering what to do, how to avoid putting your foot in it and how to cheer her the hell up and make her feel like the queen she is. Firstly it is important to mention that everyone deals with breakups differently and every breakup situation is different too. Someone dealing with a mutual relationship breakdown of two people growing apart is different from someone discovering their significant other who they are deeply in love with has been cheating. The following advice will apply to anyone wanting the answer to my friend is going through a breakup, what should I do?
Be all ears – Your friend is going to need someone that is willing to listen. Going through a breakup is shit. One minute they will feel like their life is over and the next minute they will feel like Beyonce. Be patient with them, listen to them and only give advice if they ask for it. Just by listening to them rant you are offering incredible support.
Empathise – This is a biggy. Empathise with your friend but don’t sympathise. Nobody needs sympathy during a breakup. Feeling sorry for them will only make them feel like their life is tragic and worth feeling sorry for. Ideas of great emphathy phrases include:
- ‘If I were in your position, I would feel just as you do’
- ‘That would frustrate me too’
- ‘I would be asking the same questions you are’
- ‘I would come to the same conclusion’
- ‘You are totally right’
Let your friend rant as much as they need to and just be an ear to listen.
Time – You need to be selfless with your time. Try to rearrange things where you can so that you can be with them when they need you. If you can’t make it, offer alternative choices. This can include things such as inviting them along on your plans, offering alternate times and keeping consistent contact.
Help – Your friend is going to need your help whether they ask for it or not. From moving homes, realigning their future goals and ambitions and getting rid of anything that reminds them of their ex – you need to be there! Ideas how you can help include:
- Give them a care package e.g. a box with chocolate, wine, dvd, bath bomb, face mask – lots of lovely self-care products
- Give them an excuse to dress up – ‘Get dressed up we are going for drinks on Friday’ they are too vulnerable to make decisions so make decisions for them, get them out and about and show them you are there for them
- Plan a girly night in – Create vision boards together (related post: how to make a vision board), have a pamper, put on your pjs, relax and have girl talk.
Empower –Big up your friend, remind her she is an absolute boss, she can conquer anything she puts her mind to, she’s an incredible person and that she can do this! Cue Beyoncé soundtrack! Remind her of all the things to be grateful for.
Reassure – When going through a breakup most singletons have the sudden panic that this could potentially mean that they will be single forever. Remind your friend that everything will be ok and you will be with her every step of the way, whatever she may need. It will get better, she will discover herself again and she will enjoy the single life.
Excite – Get your friend excited for the future. Ask her what her goals are, what has she always wanted to do but hasn’t? Show her the light at the end of the tunnel and that she’s got this!