I had no friends in high school

I had no friends in high school

To even write this post my poor heart just sinks as low as it can possibly go as I force myself to remember my traumatic high school experience of my former self that had no self-confidence and cared way too much what others thought. I quite honestly hated every single day. It was where my anxiety started and eventually came out full force in the final year, crippling my late teens into early twenties. It was the place that I never truly fit in. I felt uncomfortable every day, all day and would do anything to make it through the day as embarrassment-free as possible.

When I say I had no friends in high school, what I mean is that I wasn’t a super popular kid but I didn’t spend my days alone either. I was an all-rounder and a fully fledged people pleaser. I was pleasant to everyone, worked hard in class with a constant urge to learn, get my school work done and get back to the comfort of my home. I had a lovely childhood and unfortunately, that made the shock of school and the sudden shock of social dealings a lot to deal with.

As soon as I remember starting primary school I was bullied for being ‘fat’. I thrived when I moved into middle school (perhaps cared less what others thought) but high school was when things really got hard and I really felt like I had no friends. I managed to get through the first few years with the security of my form class but no one really warns you of the transition to your older, important, life-changing years. As I remained at school for A-levels, literally all of my real friends moved schools, others went to college and others left education altogether. This all left me rather lost.

I can honestly say that I experienced true heart-wrenching loneliness at school. The first realisation that you can be surrounded by a room full of people and actually rather be in your own company. School is tough and every day can feel like a struggle for popularity. But things do get better. My experiences of having no friends made me into the friendship expert, award-winning blogger and coach that I am today. Now I want to help you in any way that I can. If you are still in high school please read the following 5 tips to help you get through. If you are no longer at school but still carry the pain of it, please skip to the last paragraph.

An image of a quote saying at the end of school there are lots of lovely new friends waiting for you.

Here are 5 ways to survive high school with no friends:

Remember this is temporary

High school is temporary, and feeling like you have no friends is temporary. Neither last forever. There is a big happy life waiting for you. As soon as you have finished school you never have to think about it again and you get to make all of your own life choices and decisions, which is scary but empowering. No matter how you are feeling right now, you will get through it and this is temporary. Here is what to do if you are feeling lonely.

The only person that needs to love you is you

Make sure you are your own best friend above anything else. You do not need validation from anyone else that you are beautiful, kind and worthy. This is one of the biggest life lessons to learn and the sooner you learn it the happier you will be. Having no friends and not having to rely on others to make you happy is a true gift. You are not designed to be everyone’s cup of tea, especially in high school, but in case you need it, here is how to deal with nasty comments.

Make an effort

Make an effort to socialise each day at high school. Say hello, have conversations with your classmates and stay true to who you are. Just because you don’t fit in with a specific group doesn’t mean that you can’t make great connections and still have fun. There are lots of ways to make yourself a likeable person. Having no friends means you should make sure you join clubs, pursue hobbies and build your community outside of school, there are lots of ways to make new friends.

Concentrate on learning

You are at high school to learn, which is more important than anything else right now. Immerse yourself in your work, focus in class and totally smash your learning. Having no friends means you won’t be distracted. Beyond school, you don’t have to see these people ever again but your grades will be the one thing you do take with you forever.

Everything gets better from here

There is always light at the end of the tunnel. Feeling like you have no friends now doesn’t mean this is how it will always be. After high school, you will make life choices of going to university to study something you are passionate about or getting a job in a field you love. There are so many lovely new friends waiting for you I promise. People that love the same things as you and that will love you for being you. Keep going, I promise this path finally leads to happiness and you’ve totally got this!

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If you are reading this and can relate, I can only sympathise with everything that you endured. But if you haven’t changed it all into a complete positive by now, this is about to be a game changer. All of these wonderful skills we displayed at high school by just being nice to everyone is the true essence of making friends. We did not judge, we did not bully and we were not influenced to be anyone that we were not. We survived our worst days feeling like we had no friends. In fact, we spent time feeling completely lonely rather than transform into someone we were not. This negative experience is the driving force for me to never allow anyone to experience that kind of loneliness ever again. I want people to feel to feel fulfilment with who they are and to feel beautiful just as they are too. So this is your reminder from me to you, let go of those negative experiences and turn them into nothing short of absolute motivation to be you and only you, forever and always. The world needs more people in it, just like YOU.

Leave a comment below, what would you tell your younger self?

Author: The Friend Coach

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